Exploiting my insecurities.

During my moments of contemplating

I wonder why I still cannot find much comfort that underlies my true insecurities.

I am human too and everyone has their insecurities, right?

I want to be wanted but I cannot make it be known, but it is only known to me.

It is visible to me but I push it away, because frankly I can careless

Or maybe that's an audacious belief that I have embedded in my mind.

Sometimes I brush off the people in my life so I will not impose in anyone’s life if I feel I am.

How would I know that if no one ever says it?

But I know because I confirmed it.

I give out compliments to others if I feel like it,

But most of the time I am actually the one waiting for it.

Deep down I feel superior when I someone makes me feel good;

I know I am not the only one that enjoys compliments.

However, not everyone deserves compliments, maybe not even I.

Yeah, I have a lot of friends, I am smart, I am attractive, pretty likable,

I am extremely outgoing but yet why do I feel lonely?

I have gotten so use to pushing away that I do not know how to come back.

I have built up a pretty strong wall that I myself cannot seem to get over.

I hold myself back from love and happiness, but do not get me wrong

There are times when I'm happy sober or not.

I just wish it was majority of the time.

How did I allow my insecurities to get so deep?

But I know that as I grow some things may or may not change.

As of now I see that my progress is a slow process.