NOT QUITE!

• Quiet
• Mean
• Attitude
• Shy
• Bitch
• anti-social
• Mute
• Nerd
• Stylish
• Quiet
• Mean
• Prissy
• Bossy.
• Independent with the demeanor of an R&B singer.

Nine times out of ten, people admit their first impression of me was wrong.

Quiet? Sometimes.

Attitude? Not quite,

Shy? Perhaps.

Bitch? If I want to be.

Prissy? Definitely not.

 …And so forth. I ALWAYS get shy or a bitch because I choose not to speak to people or share anything about myself until I feel comfortable enough to disclose information. I'd rather keep to myself and mind my own business so people assume I'm shy, and since I observe more than speak, I have an attitude. It’s nothing against anyone because I love meeting new people but people always tend to tell me this is the vibe I give off. I often laugh about it because someone’s first impression can ultimately make or break a possible friendship so since I give off funky vibes you'd think I didn't have any friends, wrong. People ultimately realize their first impression of me was off the wall and a book can't always be judged by its cover because nine times out of ten, FIRST impressions are merely wrong. 

When first meeting someone...

Hmm…first impressions; there are so many different things to be said about first impressions.  I’ve had cases where the first impression told me everything I needed to know about a person, and other times where it didn’t even scratch the surface of the person’s character. First impressions MUST be taken into account when meeting someone, a lot of times people like to give others the benefit of the doubt, no, not acceptable.

To the ladies, if you meet a guy in a party and he only asked you for your number after he just grinded on you for the last 4 reggae songs (-_-); you can bet your last dollar that nothing meaningful will come out of that new contact. I would guess that he’s probably interested in something more physical, than emotional, just a guess though.

To the fellas, that girl that just stared you down while she was walking in holding hands with that naïve young man; yeah, don’t waste your time. You were just the “cooler guy” at the moment. Once you get her and she sees that “cooler guy” again, tootles. This may sound harsh but in most cases it’s true.

When first meeting someone, you have to factor in things like where you met this person and on what grounds. This can help you figure out a person’s motives from jump. First impressions are the lasting ones, so if I met you drunk out your mind, I’m going to remember you as an alchy. If I met you and your breath was humming, it’s going to take a whole lot of Orbit to make me forget it. Okay, so I’m being a bit anal, sue me, I’m only being so blunt ‘cause I love you. If the first impression isn’t a good one, it’ll turn into the last memory, so make it a good one.

DISCLAIMER: This is only a small guideline, not a 100% proof way of judging a person, you still must allow the person a chance to reveal him or herself to you.

What you SEE is what you Get.

In the world of fashion first impressions is everything and will make or break how far you make it in the industry. I am a firm believer of inside beauty but I work in an area where image is majorly important.

Sometimes your first impression will be your last so it is crucial to make it the best it can possibly be. I’ve encountered this challenge of making the first time right while interviewing for various internships. You never know what your competition is bringing to the table so I always make sure I bring my “A” game with a “can do” attitude. Besides that my outer appearance plays a huge part on the impact I will make on my potential employers. In my case presenting myself as fashion forward is expected, but for those who may not be just simply appearing neat and sleek always seals the deal as well.

Some would probably object that appearance matters, but we must recognize that our firsts thoughts of others develop when we lay our eyes upon them before any words are exchanged. It isn’t right to judge prematurely but I do feel we naturally do so at times.

Opinions are then formed and sometimes can be hard to change even with a shining personality. So when I had the opportunity to interview for my dream position I made sure that I not only knew my resume inside and out, but I also looked like I OWNED the position already. If you look it, talk it, and breathe it you’ll BE it in no time! 

Things aren't always what they seem.

Are first impressions always lasting impressions? I must say I've met a couple of people who completely turned me off by our first encounter. After awhile, I begin to actually warm up to them and realize that I had the wrong impression.

I had to figure this out after they way I judged my very best friend. This person has been my best friend for a long time but, the first time we met I did not take to her. I now understand the reasons why I really disliked her. It was because I didn't understand her and I've grown to appreciate her personality.

When meeting someone for the first time being rude is not an option, also name calling and joking because it shows a sense of being comfortable and that's not always a good thing. I even get called rude. Nine times out of ten, people get the wrong idea about me.  When we first meet, they tend to feel like I'm snobby and stuck up. But that’s never the case; I just try not to seem too comfortable. Plus, it part of my persona.

I've decided that I wouldn't use someone's first impression to judge their character because things aren't always what they seem.

Ms. New Attitude.

Dear Mr. Experience,

Being with you was a journey that I wasn't quite prepared for but overall it was a learning experience and for that I thank you. I loved you and gave you my all, I let you into my life with open arms, my love had no limit when it came to you, and yet that still was not enough. I even tried to change myself and sacrifice my happiness just to please you!

Because of you I have a new attitude where I try my best to avoid any situations that will allow me to break. I've learned to accept heartbreak with a positive light, which is to live with no regrets just love. When you thought you broke me you only made me stronger.

Yours truly

xoxo

Ps: you should see me know...

No One.

 Dear Them,

All my life

I felt like I was different

Like no one was like me

I played different

Smiled different

Even learn different history

I thought no one could stop my shine

The brightest star in the sky couldn't compare

Then, I grew up

It was then when I realized that

No one could make me happy

That no one could really love me

That no one cared for me

...As much as I did

I realized that

Not even my mother nor father

Had the strength and love in their hearts to see me grow

The power, the mind to let me know..

How special I was, so then I stopped believing

At that moment in time I felt that

No one was there for me

More than I was there for myself that as hard as I worked,

It only seem to make a difference to me

That no one could see

How special I was to me

To the world

To life

To you

I guess I'm not that different huh

Not as special as I thought..

What a way to realized that

With the support from no one...

Best,
Your Daughter

Your Backbone.

Dear Broken Lover,

In the beginning I made a bunch of promises to you. I told you I would help heal your broken heart. As fragile as it still was at the time you still put it in my naked hands. Your suffering was not severe because you had someone to lean back on, someone more than a rebound, someone who was willing to take on a complicated job of being a surgeon; fixing what is broken even though she still had her own heart to repair.

That person was me. Not knowing how heavy the weight would come. The weight of our insecurities, our past experiences that we both currently held on to,  and the weight of two broken hearts. It all became so overwhelming. I began to question "How can your heart heal so quickly?" I realized I was a distraction.

You did not have to pay attention to the damage because I was there for you. But you were not over it yet, you pretended.  I knew because you constantly talked about it over and over until I got sick of hearing it. Then after you tried to fix everything I still got to a point where I knew this would never work. Once I comfortable I would push you around and you would let me. You have learned a lot and I did also. I have learned that I cannot keep all promises, I cannot make everyone happy. With that said, I do not mean to reopen the stitches sewn into your heart, but I have to get mine in tact first before I can help you. Then I can be ready for my next lover . . . sorry.                     

                                                                                 

Love,

Your Backbone

Undisclose desire.

Dear Mr. Unknown,

Though I try to find something or someone to pacify me,

I miss out on what's around me, who is to Love me I prey

On my undisclosed desire for a better life than the one I had with you

I need closure, but how? By doing what? finding a distraction within someone else

Tuh, that’s my heart saying  “Hi, I’m temporarily unavailable

Go fuck with someone else”

It was vacant once but now I’ve been force to take use of it somewhere else

But WHY???? I’m too lazy

Why do I sit around awaiting a day’s answer?

As if I await daylight savings

I mourn for answers in the Morning,

Mid-day and at Night

Who is this unknown face around me?

Another day goes by I pray for stability and confidence.

But am I asking or telling myself what I should do.

I feel so miserable now

How the fuck, did I fall so HARD?

I don't want to come off impatient

But how do I know if my prayers have been answered.

I dream. I live. I wake up one morning to figure out that time spent wishing and hoping

Was time spent wasting, where do I go, what do I wait for, as time progress

My patience spirals in my head

Anxiously delaying my sleep

Until one night I felt as if I’ve been making myself miserable

By not saying anything sooner,

I’ve been asking the man above for so many questions

Did I forget that I have a mouth!

That I wasn't moving, for having a voice I wasn't projecting,

For having a brain that I wasn't using and eyes that you have opened.

At night I see this unknown face. Yours,

How could I have been so deep in love, and not recognize this person that I was in love with the entire time  

All I can do is laugh this is the unknown face of someone I say I love you to

It’s what they want to hear and what I feel

You get the treatment of someone to adore and I get the treatment of someone you ignore

A Face that I've been neglecting to pay attention to

Have I been so focused on the main things that kept me here

The rough sex, the pleasure of bringing me to your home

Being able to sleep in you tee with no panties on

Yeah, you loved that, but I've mistaken it for the whole LOVE me package

I've been so hung up on the least of my problems

When the most of my problems are here,

Have my answers been here all along

My daily prayers have been ongoing, have I not realized

That I've been praying for something that doesn’t come around often for others

Ugh, how did I become a victim of wanting this

L.O.V.E the things that people sing about,

It’s hard to ignore that friendly four letter word,

How can something as simple as that come into someone’s life as something inviting and friendly and leave you torn, scared and lonely.

Don’t ever come back at least until I’m ready to be strong and face you, LOVE

again.

Love,

Unavailable 

You live & You learn.

Dear Mr. Different Page,

It’s funny how the person you want to pursue is never interested in you, but the person who gives you their full attention is always dismissed by you. I seem to have found myself in this situation with you, and I sometimes question if in fact I’m the broken lover. I will say that I can respect that you were somewhat honest about what you wanted out of a relationship from the start.

At the same time you were never really 100% clear which led to some confusion on where we stood. Broken relationships can result from two people wanting the opposite things therefore preventing for expectations to be met. After all relationships are built on the grounds of expectations that we hope to meet for our significant others. I would say that our situation was a little different because we never discussed what either of us wanted bluntly.

My reasoning was to not bring pressure into the situation not knowing that sometimes finding out answers prevents misunderstandings for the future. My way of dealing with our miscommunication caused there to be a standstill relationship between us, which would eventually fade into us just being friends. That was real upsetting I must admit because I really liked you, and was actually excited to be in your presence.

Everything happens for a reason I suppose, but I’m not going to lie the s%$# sucks. Sometimes it’s just best to suck up your pride and nervousness for the sake of making a relationship work out. You live and you learn.

Signed,
Confused

Are you still in love with me?

Why can't I get the benefit of the doubt to believe that maybe I'm over reacting . I feel as if I have to pave a way from your mind to your heart for your acknowledgment of my love. It’s slowing moving its way down, but there’s a road block.

Why can't you talk to me about the things you say I just can't understand? How can I understand when you NEVER open up to me anymore? You say you trust me well utilize the trust and utilize our relationship so it can grow. I want to be with you more than all the other guys I can possibly imagine myself with. Which, I won't because I ONLY imagine myself with you.
 

It's so HARD for me to not imagine the way things shouldn't be, but given by the way I’ve been feeling I do. Why I say that? Because I shouldn't be imagining or feeling that. I shouldn't be thinking about what's wrong with us. I want to think about what's good for us, help me, help us.

I've been your friend before we started dating and I'm still your friend now. Can you imagine going back to being just friends with me. It's oblivious to my sight, how I strain myself to put a little love into our relationship. I don't want to make things difficult. I just don't want you to think that things have changed because we still have that friendship, but a little bit more.
 

I know deep down you love me, but I want to know if you still are in love with me. I question myself, am I doing something wrong am I straying in the wrong direction. I've bombarded myself with these same questions. God, please help me, I beg you to guide me. Please tell me that I am here to fight, to fight for what I love to be a part of. I scare myself with possible resolutions, the maybe he doesn't want me anymore thought, the maybe he found someone else thought, the maybe he never even loved me thought. I just wish this sh*t would get the f*ck out of my head.

How can someone deal with a plethora of thoughts that they try to answer themselves? But how can you try and answer all when there should be one f*cking answer. Just one, one f*cking answer that I wish he could answer. I feel sick, I feel like I'm going insane without actually going insane, but it feels as if I'm going to get there.

“Damn, girl it's not even that serious,” there goes another thought. Really, it isn't that serious? Because from what I’ve noticed if this wasn’t bothering me daily then it wouldn’t be serious. I just care so much for someone that I can't let go. I know he doesn’t want to let me go, but I need this heavy weight of thoughts off my damn shoulder.

So what do I do, push? Maybe I should push for something even if it's just a little it's a start. There's the difference that I do acknowledge and that's to not push for something that isn't worth pushing. This one that I have is all worth it and I'm going to make something work. I have to realize that things don't always run according to my needs and my want. Surely enough I'd be damned if I realize that what I give is given to someone else who doesn't and will never appreciate what you give to them. 

So I see this as a challenge, if I make it through, it was worth the fight, and the strong feeling that I have, I hope I’m right. What would you do if deep down you felt a strong challenge, would you go for it or dismiss it? *Heart vs. Mind

Tug of War.

I've been interning with this company for a very long time now. I've built a solid relationship my supervisor and everyone in the office. I go above and beyond my expectations as an intern. Of course there are more than one intern. We all are extremely close and work almost like a machine together.

Things sound great huh? but when I went to find out the next step I should take from here, as far as staying here full time, no one had an answer for me. Now you would think after all the great feed back that I was getting I would be set. Wrong!

At this point, I'm feeling as though I'm wasting my time. The only thing is that I don't know if it's my heart or my mind making me feel this way. One day I come in and I want to stay. The next day, I'm just completely over the situation and just want something better for myself.

Many people tell me  not to leave, just stay, that there might be an opportunity, in disguise, that may be coming my way. I find it hard sometimes to believe that if I stay, I will be rewarded for my outstanding workmanship as an intern. But I do believe that maybe when I go that I may miss out of something.

As I struggle with this situation, my heart and mind is going through a crazy battle of tug of war. I don't know who's winning, but I sure hope they make a decision soon cause for right now I will remain the, forever intern.

Emotion Warzone.

So I never really understood what the real difference between following your heart or using your mind was to justify various situations, until I met “him”. I met this guy many years ago and although we never were in a “titled” relationship, we were good friends with benefits of course.  Till this day I question what it was that I felt for him, and if it was real or just my imagination of what kind of relationship I thought I was in.
 

After some years passed I even found myself using that dreaded four-letter word that either creates a beautiful world or destroys it! I honestly don’t know if that word came out my mouth because I thought it or because I felt it. I do know that there is a major difference, and when it’s hard to distinguish the difference that there’s a possibility both your heart and mind is in action simultaneously.
When I told him that I loved him I do believe that a huge part of it came from my heart, but my gut wasn’t all the way in sync with my thoughts about him. I may have just like the “idea” of being in love and psyched myself into thinking I meant it. My mind was in full control at this point.
 

I know this sounds off the wall and f#%^ed up, but I was a teenager and I never experienced using the word “love” with someone who wasn’t related to me. It was all new to me, but I really feel that you can confuse using your mind, to think you really care for someone, versus using your heart to solidify that there’s something deeper than just caring in existence. 
 

I’m still young and learning this whole emotion thing, but I know that when I follow my heart, based on my experiences, I am usually in the right direction.

Mind blowing, Heart slowing.

I could never tell if I liked this person or if I was just distracted by all of the mind blowing sex we were having. Any simple touch he gave me drove me crazy. Even the way he said my name did something to me.We only knew each other for a month  but by the 5th day we were already in lust. The physical/sexual attraction was just to strong to hold back, so I gave in .

3 months later, I began to realize that the only thing that was getting better between us was the sex . He couldn't offer me nothing more or nothing less. My mind was telling me I really wanted him but my heart was not letting him in.

I hated his personality but I still hung around him anyway. He didn't understand me and he was so judgmental but, I put up with him anyway just because of the sex.
I tried to force a situation that just wasn't happening at this point and I realized that we would NEVER be more than just great sex .

A look back.

This poem is for any one who has ever hurt you, whether that's family, friends, boy friend/ girl friend. It's for the times when your heart tells you to move on but your mind is convinced it will be different. I just ask you to take a look back...

Every time I thought I wanted to be with you,
You once again proved to me the reasons why I've never went back; contemplating thoughts of love but being wanted is a fact.

Is it that what calls me in to a slumber
Have me dazed and confused like the first days of summer?
Hot and bothered
I take a dip
In the pool of you
While my heart stands there out on limb
I'm scared but I don't turn back
Awaken by your voice
The noise and the scratch
The attack of empathy.
I see in your eyes the tears , the joy, the anger that you cry
I find that it isn't my duty to comply
  Of course I love you, I can't lie
But are you really what I need in my life?
I had you once don't need you twice
Let's not forget why it ended the first time...

Let's check: The Lies
The Friends you heavily relied
On 

Or forget about me that's fine
Looking good for who ever
But Thought I was your baby
I guess I found out the truth
Cause you sure had me fooled
Silly of me
Silly of we
To ever think this will work again
I take a look back so I understand why we must be friends
Cause my heart can't deal with the pain
And this is so for real
Even though its hard to swallow
Like a big *ss pill
I think you make me better but I only get worse
Now that I now my purpose,
This look back made me look deep in the blues like the ocean
I see it how I call it..
 Now it time I  move forward...

Nothing worth something comes easy.

Trying to figure out if I love you with my mind...or with my heart. If its my mind then this is just temporary. But I don't think the amount of time we've been involved would be considered temporary. And if this were temporary, why couldn't I let it go? Why can't we stay away from each other? I guess that only means one thing. Its my heart that I love you with. I know the feelings are mutual. Something told me to keep going & not to give up on you ; & I did. This is definitely something special. We are probably meant to be, you never know. We are the right people, at the wrong time, but I won't let something like 'time' get in the way of our love. It has to come around at one point & I guess our hearts will be the judge of that. Even when you make me upset, disappoint me,  make me cry, hurt, and are distant, my feelings never change. Nothing worth something comes easy. I'm ready for the complexity, and hardships that will hit us because I know that after every storm comes a sunny day. You have me, all of me and I'm not afraid to admit it. My heart needs you and I just hope that yours needs mine too. Soon you will realize that I'm on your side and will never do anything to hurt you. I want you to give me your all no questions asked because from day one that's all I ever did for you. Heart vs. Mind ...my heart won .

The best friend who says.

I’ve always been the friend that always “say”, not because I’m opinionated, but I do give good advice. Though this may sound like it not such a good thing, I’ve found a way to give my opinion without controlling the situation. This is something that most “best friends fail to do.

You can ask any of my friends, if they ever wanted any advice from me, I always tell them what I think, and let them know that at the end of the day, its ultimately their decision and I can only support their choice whether I agree or disagree. Even if I have never been in that situation, I use examples from life experiences that my family members go through. I try my hardest not to mislead anyone.  Any advice I give is in their best interest.

So I have this one friend who was in a sticky situation, expecting a child. Now I know the life state that this person was in and it was my opinion that it wasn’t best for them to bring a child in the world if they can barely take care of themselves. Now, I am NOT pro abortion but I am pro Choice.  This person said that others they have told felt that it was selfish to have an abortion and that it would be good for them to keep the child. I told her to ask them if they would be there if she was at her lowest, would they be there to help her out.

I then told her to take a look at their financial situation, their living condition at home and really think about how selfish it would be to raise a child in a situation like that. Every day this person complains about money, food and trying to live on their own.  Those who know me know that I have about 3725709270957809850985 cousins and I can testify that babies aren’t cheap! They felt that their significant other was stable enough but wasn’t ready for a child.

Ding!  Right after that I said “look if they aren’t ready for a child now, in 9 months they would be even less ready and God knows how long it would take for them to ready, raising a child single is very hard. If you are not mentally prepared for what is about to take place then you need not to go forth”.

But all they could think about is how cute the baby would be if it was born, but then how even more broke they would be, then whose hair the baby would have and then no more trips out of town. As a close friend, I ended the conversation by telling them that it’s not about what I say, or their other friends say, its barely about what how the guy would feel, since this was the 2^nd time they were in this situation, you have to know what right for you and at the end of the day, I will support the decision you make. You will know when you are ready for a child, I told her. Then I begged them to use contraceptives, birth control mainly since they refuse to use condoms, smh.

Disclaimer: But to all those reading this, I would like to say that this  is only the view of me, the writer, this is not the view of , or an view associated with what NolabelsBklyn is about. I DO believe in Choice and I will/do not push my views on to others. In this story, whatever was done after that, was the person’s choice.

I believe in safe sex, and I encourage all to use all methods out there to avoid being in this situation. Abortion isn’t the only option 1^st option . If you can stop it before it gets to that, the better.

Thank you.

I consider.

I consider myself a good friend.

Label me your best friend and I will take on the duties I think a best friend is to carry out.

So what happens when I see your girl out with another girl?

Yes, you’re my best guy friend. I'm just hoping that I am the last to know about your girl and her friendly girl friend or shall I say girlfriend.

I'm hoping that it's alright with you if they're passionately holding hands.

I'm hoping that you allow friendly lip to lip, tongue to tongue action.

I'm hoping that it's acceptable to hear "You're the only one who has my heart."

I'm hoping that the ring you gave her is in the jewelry store because the size is wrong.

I'm hoping there's another guy name Leo besides you whose call she just neglected to answer.

I'm hoping that the years you spent together was worth it.  If so it seems like a pretty covenant relationship.

I'm just hoping that I'm not the one to tell you the truth, because she is of course my best friend too.

Live a little.

Sometimes it really hard to live in the present, and convince yourself that everything will be okay in the end. I think most people get caught up in the constant expectations they have for themselves or close loved ones that they forget how to just live for the moment, and not stress. I personally expect nothing but the best from myself, and I can admit that it is hard to accept failure when it comes. This only results in me becoming upset, and that is definitely not necessary.

My best friend knows me sometimes better than I know myself, and he never fails to give me advice when I need it. He's always telling me to chill, relax my *#% lol, and live a little. Life is too short, and if you let the little things hinder your mood you'll pay the price of being frustrated. It's not worth it!

So now I'm installing a "go with the flow" attitude, and I plan on rocking my twenties out real hard!

What is your definition of a best friend, and why?

Answer the questions below and write the reason why. (You ARE allowed to choose as many as you like, just provide your reasons for choosing the ones you chose.) Then, choose which ones best describes your best friend.

A. Someone who gets real close to you, who you begin to trust and then you find out they are messing with your boyfriend/girlfriend behind your back.

B. Someone who is trustworthy and whom you are comfortable with to discuss anything in between embarrassing moments, sex, and your deepest secrets.

C. Someone who is there to bash the decisions you make; who have never been in the same situation.

D. A Fake Bitch.

E. Someone who you are capable of falling in love with.

F. Someone who will tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear no matter how much it may hurt.

G. Someone who is a tip drill .

H. Someone who isn’t always available but will go out of their way when you are hurt or really need someone.

I. Someone you kissed before.

J. Someone who says "I hate you" and you’re able to reply "no you don’t!"

K. Someone who you know probably better than they know themselves.

L. A hoe.

M. Someone who you talk to all day and feel weird if you go without talking to for 2 hours.

N. Someone who is pretty.

O. Someone who fights for you even if you were wrong.

P. Someone who forgives you for doing something stupid to them.

Q. Someone who shakes their ass in the club on Thursday nights.

R. Someone who is always trying prove how much "better" they are then you.

S. Someone who always wants to smoke but they can’t buy weed.

T. Someone who will always catch you no matter how far you've fallen.

U. Someone you get drunk with and screw on a regular basis.

V. Someone who wears no draws.

W. Someone whose house you can walk in without them, say hi to the family and go look in the fridge.

X. Someone who wears little mismatched socks.

Y. Someone who complains to you about their flat stomachs being fat -_-.

Z. You.

Now, depending on your answer, would you listen when, “Your Best Friend Say”?

**This was made to help you re define some of your “best friend relationships”

Basic advice, hard decision.

They say best friends are forever and guys come and go, you know the saying "homies over hoes" but can we really rely on our best friends for advice to determine the everyday decisions that we make?

 Every circle has a different type of friend...

• The friend that think he/she knows it all and never had a bf/gf

• The friend that will always tells you the truth even if it hurts and have your back no matter what

• The friend that couldn't give advice if he/she life depended on it! The responses are always "oh I don't know" or " oh that's a tough one"

• The friend that’s an undercover hater. The one who doesn't want to see any one happy just because they’re not

As basic as advice maybe, we all sometimes ask for it, and for the most part really needs it but honestly, can someone who’s never been in your situation really help? Can your friend that's never even been in a relationship help you fix yours? Can your friend that's an undercover hater ever help you make a decision that helps in your happiness?

In the end, we must all live to please ourselves. We have to use our best judgment because what our best friends say may not always be the way. 

…Then again what if they are right?