Undisclose desire.

Dear Mr. Unknown,

Though I try to find something or someone to pacify me,

I miss out on what's around me, who is to Love me I prey

On my undisclosed desire for a better life than the one I had with you

I need closure, but how? By doing what? finding a distraction within someone else

Tuh, that’s my heart saying  “Hi, I’m temporarily unavailable

Go fuck with someone else”

It was vacant once but now I’ve been force to take use of it somewhere else

But WHY???? I’m too lazy

Why do I sit around awaiting a day’s answer?

As if I await daylight savings

I mourn for answers in the Morning,

Mid-day and at Night

Who is this unknown face around me?

Another day goes by I pray for stability and confidence.

But am I asking or telling myself what I should do.

I feel so miserable now

How the fuck, did I fall so HARD?

I don't want to come off impatient

But how do I know if my prayers have been answered.

I dream. I live. I wake up one morning to figure out that time spent wishing and hoping

Was time spent wasting, where do I go, what do I wait for, as time progress

My patience spirals in my head

Anxiously delaying my sleep

Until one night I felt as if I’ve been making myself miserable

By not saying anything sooner,

I’ve been asking the man above for so many questions

Did I forget that I have a mouth!

That I wasn't moving, for having a voice I wasn't projecting,

For having a brain that I wasn't using and eyes that you have opened.

At night I see this unknown face. Yours,

How could I have been so deep in love, and not recognize this person that I was in love with the entire time  

All I can do is laugh this is the unknown face of someone I say I love you to

It’s what they want to hear and what I feel

You get the treatment of someone to adore and I get the treatment of someone you ignore

A Face that I've been neglecting to pay attention to

Have I been so focused on the main things that kept me here

The rough sex, the pleasure of bringing me to your home

Being able to sleep in you tee with no panties on

Yeah, you loved that, but I've mistaken it for the whole LOVE me package

I've been so hung up on the least of my problems

When the most of my problems are here,

Have my answers been here all along

My daily prayers have been ongoing, have I not realized

That I've been praying for something that doesn’t come around often for others

Ugh, how did I become a victim of wanting this

L.O.V.E the things that people sing about,

It’s hard to ignore that friendly four letter word,

How can something as simple as that come into someone’s life as something inviting and friendly and leave you torn, scared and lonely.

Don’t ever come back at least until I’m ready to be strong and face you, LOVE

again.

Love,

Unavailable