A date with Pride.

When you’re little, you watch fairytale movies and obsess over  happy endings. You can’t wait until it’s your turn. You grow up and suddenly reality hits and you realize that finding your happy ending isn’t as simple as you once thought.

I’ve tried being open to love and it failed a couple of times which led to find this comfortable state of being alone and liking someone halfway to avoid getting hurt. I never realized the effect it had on me until I met him. Suddenly my heart was beginning to open and my outlook on love was changing but something was still holding me back. I wasn’t aware of what it was, so I continued to brush things off thinking it wasn’t a big deal because "he’s still around".

I was distracted by all of the good times not quite focused on the fact that we weren’t progressing. I was blinded and I didn’t even know it until I wanted this guy in a way that I never wanted anyone else. By that time, he had already found someone else to want him back the way that I wanted him. At that point my first reaction was "am I not good enough?  What’s wrong with me?"

                                                                                                                     

Then it hit me, I never actually gave myself to him emotionally because of my pride. I didn’t want to be a sucker. I thought by going into this situation with a nonchalant attitude that I was protecting myself. If I only knew that I was setting myself up to be hurt, I would have gone in with a different approach. Because of him I learned to love. Like they say "a closed mouth don’t get fed" and they weren’t lying because when love was knocking on my door I was on a date with pride.