Roses are red violets are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?

Sounds funny now, especially since the idiot who said it said violets are black. I was always the skinny short girl in the class that was so fly but had NO BODY. As if everyone wasn’t already developed, it sure seemed that way. I never felt insecure about my shape it was always something I never had a problem with until other people brought it up.

So when I heard this riddle, all I could do was laugh, there it was, my childhood insecurity being brought to light. I still remember it to this day, and I even remember who said it as if it was yesterday. It must've hit a nerve. I always wanted to wear cute bras, even if it was a training bra just to feel girly, growing up. Instead, I was still just wearing undershirts!

Being “flat chested” with no butt didn't make me feel not girly or not fly but instead I looked at it as not having an accessory. I wanted what all the other girls were beginning to have. This insecurity eventually became something I've just dealt with and as I got older I actually learned to love my physique more than ever.

I love being able to wear a bra of I wanted, or wear a bandeau top in the summer if I chose. Instead of dwelling on the insecurities I faced when I was younger, I grew to love the woman I've become physically and mentally.

To be or not to be…

To be or not to be,
What kind of question is that?
A question I ask myself all the time.
To be or not to be,
 me.
To accept me, for all of me.
 But it’s so hard to do so, especially if you have the world on your shoulders.
When you feel as if nothing you do is counted for.
Insecure, about your life.
“Am I going down the right path?”
“Am I wearing the right clothes?”
It’s hard when everyone around you seem so successful and happy with life.
You’re alive how could you feel such a way?
Well, I’m insecure when you brag and I can’t do the same,
When you boast about how many trips you take
What car you drive, what kind of money you make
How your mom and dad give you every thing
I’m insecure because I can’t say the same.
Though we were taught not to worry about others
“Because the grass ain’t always greener on the other side”,
I still wonder.
 I then begin to see, that this is only because you’re as insecure as me,
That all of the physical matters over shadow the fact that you may be as miserable as I seem.
I notice this because that was me; I was the bully of insecurity.
I forced myself to force others to recognize their flaws because I saw mines, I hated them.
I over came this and now I was the victim
So, I smile, because I’ve become content with myself.
 I’ve grown to notice how grateful I should be.
I’m here, breathing, college degree, home, friends, family who supports me to the best of their abilities.
Nothing can beat that, not you, not your car or your money.
Most importantly, I’m me.
Even with all the insecurities,
 I strive to be the best me.
Do yourself a favor, because you deserve it.
Look insecurity in the eyes,
Tell them that you embrace them,
That without them there’s no you.
Be happy. You’ll be set free.

Road Block in Life.

Sometimes, the biggest critic in life is staring right back at you in the mirror. At this point in my life, I’ve come to the realization that the only time you “can’t” do something that you want to in life, is if you STOP trying to make it happen. Some of the causes for this lack of motivation evolve from some of our deepest insecurities that we sometimes are in denial by.

I honestly believe the first step in crossing that roadblock we all are faced with is acknowledging what we are most fearful of. It is also crucial to then form a game plan to attack that fear so it is no longer a crutch for you to achieve everything you dream about. Not everyone is walking around with confidence on his or her back, but if you act like it, own it, and speak it into existence I do believe everyone could have it.

Having a balance of confidence will definitely conquer those insecurities, and help you remember that it’s not worth feeling hurt. We do play a huge part in the insecurities we form for ourselves. But if you can create them you can also dismiss them! Let Go and Let God!

Exploiting my insecurities.

During my moments of contemplating

I wonder why I still cannot find much comfort that underlies my true insecurities.

I am human too and everyone has their insecurities, right?

I want to be wanted but I cannot make it be known, but it is only known to me.

It is visible to me but I push it away, because frankly I can careless

Or maybe that's an audacious belief that I have embedded in my mind.

Sometimes I brush off the people in my life so I will not impose in anyone’s life if I feel I am.

How would I know that if no one ever says it?

But I know because I confirmed it.

I give out compliments to others if I feel like it,

But most of the time I am actually the one waiting for it.

Deep down I feel superior when I someone makes me feel good;

I know I am not the only one that enjoys compliments.

However, not everyone deserves compliments, maybe not even I.

Yeah, I have a lot of friends, I am smart, I am attractive, pretty likable,

I am extremely outgoing but yet why do I feel lonely?

I have gotten so use to pushing away that I do not know how to come back.

I have built up a pretty strong wall that I myself cannot seem to get over.

I hold myself back from love and happiness, but do not get me wrong

There are times when I'm happy sober or not.

I just wish it was majority of the time.

How did I allow my insecurities to get so deep?

But I know that as I grow some things may or may not change.

As of now I see that my progress is a slow process.

“The short chubby kid, kind of dark skinned…always smiling for no reason. You know who I’m talking about!”

Have you ever wondered how people would describe you? Like what are your most acclaimed attributes? I always thought people described me as just that, “the short chubby kid…” Growing up, I was always a little chubby (pleasantly plump lol), so I was insecure about my weight. Up until about sophomore year in high school I was a 5’4, husky, yet fresh, little guy. This insecurity definitely impacted my sociability. I was shy beyond belief, I would start blushing if a girl said as much as “God bless you” to me after a sneeze; I was pitiful.

Insecurities can really handicap a person, it refrain’s you from being yourself, constantly trying to cover up and hide the emphasized fallacies. I feel like I missed out on a lot being so shy; old crushes that I couldn’t approach, who knows what could’ve happened?! I could’ve missed out on my wife for Pete’s sake!! (That’s a big reach but bear with me, trying to make this entertaining) Since then, I’ve reconnected with old classmates and to my surprise; they would confess their old feelings for me. That shows me that my insecurity was in my head. Seriously though, I look at old pictures of myself and I looked nothing like how I perceived back then.

Bottom line, insecurities are nothing but self-inflicted boundaries that limit us from living our lives to the fullest. Insecurities occur when you let your perception skew what’s really looking back at you in the mirror. I am my hardest critic, and you’re your hardest critic, so cut yourself some slack.

In regards to your insecurities, a wise man once said (Jay-Z): “Cry me a river, build a bridge and GET OVER IT!”…I did…

To whom this may concern.

To whom this may concern,

For me it wasn't about feeling "un-pretty" or being unaware about how beautiful I truly am (inside and out). It was just about being ENOUGH. You weren't the first and that's when this became my problem. I am a very understanding person who respects honesty but in the end that gets me pretty much nowhere in terms of what I am deserving of because people feel like they can do whatever they want as long as their being honest with me, & of course over all this time I learned my worth and what to stand for and what not to stand for but this time my feelings got in the way.

I am set on a higher level of maturity every time I experience another period of feeling like I am not enough. It’s actually very tough to deal with & I became so hard on myself to make sure everything is always looking good. But then I realize that's just the kind of person I am, I put others feelings first vs. putting myself first. I knew it was time to start thinking differently because seriously, come on, everyone else does it so why don't I, right?

Not to sound cocky but a lot of people need me. After you made me feel like I wasn't enough and I realized that I am way more than enough and deserved better, you found out that you needed me too. I'll always be here but on a different level. Because of my insecurities I can emotionally disconnect myself from anyone and still call them friend. So yes, I know I'm beautiful, I hear it every day, but now I know that I am more than enough and that anybody is lucky to have someone like me in their life. If they decided to take it for granted, their choice; their lost. I'm worth it, so go all the way or stand still.
                        

 Yours Truly,

         Mrs. I Know Better .