Ms. New Attitude.

Dear Mr. Experience,

Being with you was a journey that I wasn't quite prepared for but overall it was a learning experience and for that I thank you. I loved you and gave you my all, I let you into my life with open arms, my love had no limit when it came to you, and yet that still was not enough. I even tried to change myself and sacrifice my happiness just to please you!

Because of you I have a new attitude where I try my best to avoid any situations that will allow me to break. I've learned to accept heartbreak with a positive light, which is to live with no regrets just love. When you thought you broke me you only made me stronger.

Yours truly

xoxo

Ps: you should see me know...

No One.

 Dear Them,

All my life

I felt like I was different

Like no one was like me

I played different

Smiled different

Even learn different history

I thought no one could stop my shine

The brightest star in the sky couldn't compare

Then, I grew up

It was then when I realized that

No one could make me happy

That no one could really love me

That no one cared for me

...As much as I did

I realized that

Not even my mother nor father

Had the strength and love in their hearts to see me grow

The power, the mind to let me know..

How special I was, so then I stopped believing

At that moment in time I felt that

No one was there for me

More than I was there for myself that as hard as I worked,

It only seem to make a difference to me

That no one could see

How special I was to me

To the world

To life

To you

I guess I'm not that different huh

Not as special as I thought..

What a way to realized that

With the support from no one...

Best,
Your Daughter

Your Backbone.

Dear Broken Lover,

In the beginning I made a bunch of promises to you. I told you I would help heal your broken heart. As fragile as it still was at the time you still put it in my naked hands. Your suffering was not severe because you had someone to lean back on, someone more than a rebound, someone who was willing to take on a complicated job of being a surgeon; fixing what is broken even though she still had her own heart to repair.

That person was me. Not knowing how heavy the weight would come. The weight of our insecurities, our past experiences that we both currently held on to,  and the weight of two broken hearts. It all became so overwhelming. I began to question "How can your heart heal so quickly?" I realized I was a distraction.

You did not have to pay attention to the damage because I was there for you. But you were not over it yet, you pretended.  I knew because you constantly talked about it over and over until I got sick of hearing it. Then after you tried to fix everything I still got to a point where I knew this would never work. Once I comfortable I would push you around and you would let me. You have learned a lot and I did also. I have learned that I cannot keep all promises, I cannot make everyone happy. With that said, I do not mean to reopen the stitches sewn into your heart, but I have to get mine in tact first before I can help you. Then I can be ready for my next lover . . . sorry.                     

                                                                                 

Love,

Your Backbone

Undisclose desire.

Dear Mr. Unknown,

Though I try to find something or someone to pacify me,

I miss out on what's around me, who is to Love me I prey

On my undisclosed desire for a better life than the one I had with you

I need closure, but how? By doing what? finding a distraction within someone else

Tuh, that’s my heart saying  “Hi, I’m temporarily unavailable

Go fuck with someone else”

It was vacant once but now I’ve been force to take use of it somewhere else

But WHY???? I’m too lazy

Why do I sit around awaiting a day’s answer?

As if I await daylight savings

I mourn for answers in the Morning,

Mid-day and at Night

Who is this unknown face around me?

Another day goes by I pray for stability and confidence.

But am I asking or telling myself what I should do.

I feel so miserable now

How the fuck, did I fall so HARD?

I don't want to come off impatient

But how do I know if my prayers have been answered.

I dream. I live. I wake up one morning to figure out that time spent wishing and hoping

Was time spent wasting, where do I go, what do I wait for, as time progress

My patience spirals in my head

Anxiously delaying my sleep

Until one night I felt as if I’ve been making myself miserable

By not saying anything sooner,

I’ve been asking the man above for so many questions

Did I forget that I have a mouth!

That I wasn't moving, for having a voice I wasn't projecting,

For having a brain that I wasn't using and eyes that you have opened.

At night I see this unknown face. Yours,

How could I have been so deep in love, and not recognize this person that I was in love with the entire time  

All I can do is laugh this is the unknown face of someone I say I love you to

It’s what they want to hear and what I feel

You get the treatment of someone to adore and I get the treatment of someone you ignore

A Face that I've been neglecting to pay attention to

Have I been so focused on the main things that kept me here

The rough sex, the pleasure of bringing me to your home

Being able to sleep in you tee with no panties on

Yeah, you loved that, but I've mistaken it for the whole LOVE me package

I've been so hung up on the least of my problems

When the most of my problems are here,

Have my answers been here all along

My daily prayers have been ongoing, have I not realized

That I've been praying for something that doesn’t come around often for others

Ugh, how did I become a victim of wanting this

L.O.V.E the things that people sing about,

It’s hard to ignore that friendly four letter word,

How can something as simple as that come into someone’s life as something inviting and friendly and leave you torn, scared and lonely.

Don’t ever come back at least until I’m ready to be strong and face you, LOVE

again.

Love,

Unavailable 

You live & You learn.

Dear Mr. Different Page,

It’s funny how the person you want to pursue is never interested in you, but the person who gives you their full attention is always dismissed by you. I seem to have found myself in this situation with you, and I sometimes question if in fact I’m the broken lover. I will say that I can respect that you were somewhat honest about what you wanted out of a relationship from the start.

At the same time you were never really 100% clear which led to some confusion on where we stood. Broken relationships can result from two people wanting the opposite things therefore preventing for expectations to be met. After all relationships are built on the grounds of expectations that we hope to meet for our significant others. I would say that our situation was a little different because we never discussed what either of us wanted bluntly.

My reasoning was to not bring pressure into the situation not knowing that sometimes finding out answers prevents misunderstandings for the future. My way of dealing with our miscommunication caused there to be a standstill relationship between us, which would eventually fade into us just being friends. That was real upsetting I must admit because I really liked you, and was actually excited to be in your presence.

Everything happens for a reason I suppose, but I’m not going to lie the s%$# sucks. Sometimes it’s just best to suck up your pride and nervousness for the sake of making a relationship work out. You live and you learn.

Signed,
Confused