COMING SOON!! STARTING OVER...

Ms. Caught Up.

So this had to be like junior year of college. This girl and I were “talking” (whatever you kids call it now a days lol). For some reason, I wasn’t really into her too much, but whatever. I think it was the over flattery, she just seemed so fake, “I like you soooo much, blah blah blah”. It didn’t seem genuine, she didn’t know me well enough to have such strong feelings, and so I always kept her at a distance. Despite the over flattery, she was actually a cool chick to hang with, so I couldn’t just cut her off. So we continued to be friends, she obviously wasn’t content with that though, always wanted “alone time”, she was catching on to my attempts of keeping everything friendly.

I’m back home for break, chilling with my cousin and he asks me randomly, “Yo, do you know ((Insert name here))?” I was like, “Yeah, I know her, she always in my face, why?” Come to find out, she was going out with my cousin’s best friend…smh…caught up.

This was hilarious to me, but it just validated everything I already felt about Ms. Caughtup (hmm found a name for her lol). So in a weird way, this was actually good news, because now I could curve her without feeling guilty lol. Well eventually she got tired of me “playing hard to get” and she just outright expressed her anguish towards the way things were going. I subliminally let her know I knew about her “boyfriend” back home in N.Y. Check the scoreboard: Me-1 Ms.Caughtup-0

Life as I know it.

I can definitely say that I am in the “caught out there” stage in my life. While in high school and even college I never quite realized the circumstances I was in. Both of those stages in my life served as a protective guard from what some may call the “real world”. That time is my life was about following a somewhat planned route to forming my future career after exiting higher education.

College differed in that I was still young but was allowed an amount of freedom that would groom and prepare me for the life I am living now post graduation. Now that I have completed my four years of college I’ve been introduced to the full dosage of “life” which I can strongly say is a current bittersweet experience. I almost feel stripped and exposed to the world in comparison to being in school protected from the title of technically being on your own. I would compare my reaction to me just putting myself out there in a vulnerable manner in order to take risks and gain all the opportunities life has to offer for me.

The situation comes with its pros and cons like any normal case, but it’s all up to me to decide what actions I will take. Being caught out there to the world to me embodies the meaning of lunging into the impossible and following any dream you’ve had since elementary school. My fear is failing life’s test of achieving whatever it is you have planned. Even in my vulnerability to the world I vow to give all that I can to receive all the greatness I have worked all my life for.

The wrong one.

In my first year of high school I was dating these two guys Ra & JN. Rd was my ex boyfriend and we just recently broke up. I liked him so much that I was thinking about letting him be my first. At that point my feelings were all still there. Ra was the first boy that I actually liked and cared about in my new school. All the others boys I did not really like. Then I met JN who I thought was very cute but he was an asshole.

He was never in class and he always smelled like weed. He was a bad ass, the kind the teachers would always step out the class & talk to privately about his behavior and he'd always showed how much he didn't care. I guess something about that turned me on. We started talking but it was nothing that would be serious or go anywhere because I fell for his type before. Plus Ra and I still did things like we were a couple, kissing in the hallways and meeting at my locker.

Anyway so one day me and JN were walking up the hallway and he decided to walk behind me and hug me from the back. My friend Carla gave me an eye, kind of like a signal but I didn't understand why. JN walked off and I opened my locker. Ra came behind me and said "let me know when you're done with that n****"... my heart dropped. I lost the wrong one!

I just stared into my locker for two minutes getting myself together and then I went to class. I was young and probably would of handled things differently if I were the person I am now. No hard feelings though , we live and we learn. Hi Ra! lol

That's Foul.

Facebook, a social networking site that keeps us connected with those we haven’t seen in years, loved ones and friends. It helps us keep tabs on where they’ve been, what they been up to and possibly where they are going.

I've been on face book for over 5 years now, I have cousins up there I haven’t seen in 15 years, to aunts and friends I see every day. There are teachers and classmates up there from kindergarten. It’s a joy being able to talk to them and reminisce on the pass and see how well they are doing now.

You even get people that you don’t know from a hole in a wall, wanting to be your ‘friend’. This leads me to this story. My dad doesn't lives in New York and I haven’t seen him in years. So, my aunt tells me “oh you know your father is on facebook?” I said, “No, I didn’t know that.”

Cool, I thought, that’s good for him. So time went on, my uncle (his brother) signed up for facebook. He instantly requested me and even sent me a family tree request. My uncle asked me how I was doing, commented under my pictures and even told me he was proud of me.

Still, no request from ‘Dad’.  I get home one day and my cousin asked me if he had sent me request. At this point, it was still no request from him, so I said no and I asked her why she asked. She said because he sent her a friend request the other day, and she thought maybe he finally sent me one.

Oh word, so you gonna send the whole family request on facebook but don’t send you first child one? And you believe I’m gonna send you love, forget the fact that you don’t call,  the one way that we can keep up with each other and you don’t even want to take that step. Foul, but I’ll live.

No Reservations.

Many say “Lying is like wearing makeup, people do it to look good.” – Unknown. Well lying doesn’t make a lot of people look good especially when there’s no good reason for doing it. I have this friend who’s a habitual liar. The funny thing is that I’ve known her for more than four years now. I mean at first it was funny because she would make funny wishful thinking comments that she would laugh along with our closest friends.

For example, she would tell us a story about her hanging with Beyonce & Jay Z; she always creates a story about chilling with them. ( Her stories were so vivid that you would have thought she was living with them, it was a hilarious, simple,  funny joke that was highly unlikely to have happened dealing with this particular friend of mines. The 1^st time she ever said that it was funny until (doom, doom, doom... my dooms day sound effect LOL).

Somehow it became a tradition for her to talk about her “activities” with B&J and artists who were upcoming. Her stories were growing with her nuisance behavior that we actually asked her to be serious. Every time we asked her to be serious about something, it seems as if she never heard of the word serious or honest.  

I would have thought that by now she’d given up her pathetic habit of lying to someone who is supposedly her friend. As well as a friend that knows her well enough for her to be herself. Nonetheless, I was starting to think that she doesn’t even know herself. I started to think that this was the only side of her that I knew and will only know.

For example, last year a few days before her birthday, she wanted to go to this nice moderate Asian restaurant for her birthday. (We were speaking over the phone) she says “Oh, my gosh I know too many people, this is going to be a big dinner” (-_-) I said, “ Did you make reservations” she says “ Yes, I made it for fifteen people, I put a DOWN PAYMENT on the seats and everything” me, “ down payment? Just to eat at their restaurant?”, she said "Yes", (we hung up the phone). She calls me back  saying she sent out a massive text to everyone saying that she wants to go out to eat for her bday, but NO ONE responded back to her. (I mean she has friends, don’t think she doesn’t)

She said she doesn’t know if she’s going to eat at that restaurant again, I said, “Well then get back your money (LOL) she says, “No forget it I’m just going to go to the hotel party with my friends from school” (You see, I’m genuinely a concerned person if any of my friends need help planning something for their birthday. I told her the less people the less confusing the CHECK would be at the end of the dinner) I told her to give me the number of the restaurant, she says, “No just forget it, I know who my real friends are hmm, don’t want to hit me back up for my bday”.

I told her to give me the name of the restaurant she said “I forgot what it started with,” (but she gave me the address, so I said I’ll call you later. I had to go on my CSI type sh*t smh). I typed in the area of the restaurant called and asked the lady if she had reservations for my friend (I won’t disclose her name, but I said her name) she said, “No we don’t take reservations or down payments?

I hung up and called her closest friends asking them why they didn't reply to her message? (I know majority of her friends because we have the same circle). They all said they never received a text message and they asked her what she was doing for her bday days before I called them and she never responded to any of their text messages.  

AS OF TODAY I BARELY SPEAK TO HER AND NEITHER DOES A FEW OF OUR CIRCLE OF FRIENDS WHO WERE CLOSE TO HER. YOU WIN SOME, YOU LOSE SOME.  SHE WON HER CAUGHT OUT THERE MOMENT & SHE LOST MANY FRIENDS (FOR ONE, I WAS OVER THE LIES.

We remain.

Though we are friends
It’s hard for us to be just friends
We laugh together
Play together
And from time to time we lay together
First we start off as friends
And that was all
Then you told me you had fall
Fallen in lust with me
I denied the fact that I felt the same
I tried so hard to keep us as we were
But then I fell
Fell too hard
To the point I thought it will be more than what it was
More than just the casual intercourse
More than just hearts tossed
Back and forth
Real love
Not just friend love
Love. Love
But of course I was wrong
Being friends was all we could be
And up til this day it’s still hard for me
I thought it could be
I fought for we
I tried to change your mind and make you see
But you didn't when I did
And when I didn't you did
Look at us now
We remain just friends.

Mutual Friend.

You know, a mutual friend that began conversing through Sconex?

We would have small talks here and there. You were one of my best friends’ good friends. She would always talk about how you would always hang out, go to parties and throw events. You were funny, always cracking jokes, the cool fly guy.

So when I met you in person you were indeed funny. Our conversations always last hours at a time. On the phone hours and hours through the night talking about everything and anything. You always make me laugh, we would talk about people, school, work, friends, anything that came across our mind.

Our relationship grew so close. Close enough to make your friends wonder if we were an item, and close enough to make my friends wonder what was the deal between us. You even began to express your interest towards me, but I would always brush it off with a laugh.

At this point, we were cooler than the other side of the pillow. I never was this close to a male before, being that I have no brothers so I certainly enjoyed your company. I would look forward to speaking to you, even when we had nothing to speak about. I could go over your house and speak to your fam because they all knew of me, and when they didn’t see me around, they would ask how I was doing.

For five years, through the drama, stress, lost friendships, and fights and times when we didn’t speak for months, you still rode with me until the end. But for some reason I can’t see us being more than just friends.